Wednesday, July 24, 2013

The Girl Behind The Camera

This week we are going wildly off subject. I am going to share some of my deep, dark secrets and what changed my perception of myself! I am sure you have noticed by now, that there aren't many pictures of me on my blog! For years, during my whole life I have hid from the camera. I have never really liked how I look in pictures. I look too pale, my eyes are too small for my face, fat, out of proportion to others, my head is too big when my hair is up, my hair is messy when its down, I don't have make-up on, etc... The reasons and excuses have been used up... and I am sick of hiding!

Lately I have found myself hiding behind the know if you are taking the pictures, you can't be in them too! It has worked really well for me, but for years now, there is nearly no record of me in family photos. But, sometime last year I decided to stop hiding and start sharing!
I will do just about anything to get some great pictures

 I had so much fun taking these pictures, even though I looked like a total goof!

I was lying down to get these amazing pictures.
This is the bottom of a Dale Chihuly 43 foot tower of blown glass. Above me is just 1600 pieces of glass!
A lot of my self esteem issues about photos of me, came from all those years I was sick. Along with my pituitary tumor, I had something that is called moon-face. Moon-face was a side effect of my pituitary tumor and the medications that I was taking. And my face was as fat and round as the moon...

and now... moon-face pictures:

Moon-Face in Hawaii
Moon-Face in Austin Texas 
Moon-Face with my friend Lou
Moon-Face on a road trip with my mom
... the end of moon-face pictures...thank goodness!

At the Avatar Exhibit Indianapolis Children's Museum
Doesn't my face look super different than the pictures above?
 In the last year or two I had a break down/break through about photographs. My Bubbe (Yiddish for grandmother) died many, many years ago. There isn't a day, not a single day, that I don't think of her and miss her, I miss her so terribly! My Bubbe was  in a electric wheel chair for as long as I can remember. From the time she got sick, (before I was born) she stopped having her pictures taken. I know of only four pictures that are in my side of the families possession. I have one picture on my nightstand, my parents have another picture in their home and we have a picture of Bubbe at my Bat Mitzvah and my brother's Bar Mitzvah. That is it... as far as I know, those are the only recent pictures we have of her. 

Holding dinosaur eggs at the Indianapolis Children's Museum with Dad
(I cut off 5 inches of my hair...its so short here)
So I made and executive decision. I don't want to hide anymore. I am going to be both in front and behind the camera as much as possible! I want proof that I was there in family photos. I want to be present in my life and hiding is not an option anymore. So if some day, something happens to me and I am no longer here, I want to leave my family more than 4 pictures. So...enjoy all the pictures below. These were, mostly taken in the last two years and I am in every shot!

At the Indianapolis Children's Museum with Dad
Avatar Exhibit
Taking pictures with my two favorite mini cousins in Nantucket 
My 33rd Birthday in Chicago
At a friend's wedding in Missouri

Hanging out with Corrine and Nichole at the park
Going to the pool
Meeting Gary Sinise with Josh and Danielle


  1. I don't see a moon face anywhere - honestly! I think you look gorgeous in all of the photos above. But I get your point, I feel or felt the same way about me being in pictures. Seeing yourself is so awkward sometimes even though that is exactly the way others see us all the time and don't think that it's weird at all. haha
    Happy Wednesday xxx

  2. Thanks Chrissy! I do see the moon-face but your right! Everyday people see us just as we are, Happy Wednesday to you too!!!

  3. Agreed with Chrissy, but nevertheless, I'm glad to see you putting yourself out there more and becoming more and more comfortable each day/week/year!

    And speaking of moon face, holy hell my Hawaii picture was bad. I guess we should call that a Mars face; I was so red!

  4. Wow Josh, This is so cool that you are commenting! Yes, your face was super red but we all had so much fun in Hawaii. Thanks for the comment, I am becoming more me and more comfortable with me!
    Now I am off to make your 30th birthday chocolate, peanut butter and nutella cupcakes that you requested. (Well dad mentioned them to you because he wanted some, so you requested them) I am going to make just the cake, the frosting will go on Thursday night or Friday am before your big 30th Birthday Bash! Love you "little" bro!

  5. Haha if I didnt think Dad and I were the same before, I definitely do now. He's good good taste in my birthday cake! Just surprised he didnt add raspberries!

  6. It is wonderful to see your beautiful smiling face in the pictures, Kate :). You are such a warm, caring (and talented) person, beautiful inside and out, and it always brightens my day to see you... Since we live far away, the only way I get to see you is in pictures! You do take awesome pictures (making me so hungry at times when your pictures include your delicious creations!) but I am glad to get to see the girl behind the camera!

  7. I don't know what happened. Sure am glad I checked back. Cause I did - or so I thought - left a comment on the day or day after this post went out.

    So sorry you did not get it.

    Anyway, now happy belated birthday.

    I love this post.

    I am so glad you have shared all of these lovely wonderful pictures of you. I am glad you are coming out and showing us all your inner and outer beauty.

    You have a beautiful smile.


  8. Marisol, I miss you all and I am glad that you can see me and my delicious creations through CKK. I am lucky enough to also see you and your growing family via facebook. Thank you for your beautiful words and friendship.



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